Regrets

So today’s post is a little more serious but nonetheless personal to me.

I feel like so many of us are told “don’t do that because it’s weird”, “get your head out of the clouds kid, go do something practical”. I hear these things way too much for someone who has bigger aspirations than just doing what their predecessors tell them to because they haven’t got the guts to stand up and do what they want.

As a society we are told “be individual”, “be your own person”, “live the dream kid, go for it!”… But the second one of us tries, we’re a maniac! We’re utterly ‘stupid’ for wanting to aim higher than what we have. Anyone who knows me on a personal level knows that I do not want to sit in the job I have currently for the rest of my life. Sure, it gets me money that I waste on clothes and shoes but it doesn’t fuel my drive. It doesn’t make my heart fly about going to work in the morning. In fact, the very idea of it depresses me. This very sadness that I feel is what makes me motivated to push harder to where I want to go.

When I was very young I wrote stories for fun, when I was a child I watched Nim’s Island and wrote my first short story based on what I saw, when I was a pre-teen I went to a place called Bewilderwood and began writing poetry from the inspirational vibes I got from the area, when I was fourteen I wrote my first book; a graphic horror story following the tragic love-lives of two unfortunates, when I was sixteen I wrote poetry and short stories in my Creative Writing class for fun and now? I write to better my skills because I’ve realised that this is something I have a passion for – something I WANT to do.

You’d think the people around you would be cheering you on and telling you to “go for it!” But it’s not like that. The world is full of two types of people in my opinion; those who dream and regardless of all the hate, continue on their journey and achieve those dreams, and those who dream; but give up because they don’t think they’re good enough or even that they are able to for whatever reason. I am the first kind, but who are you? I find that most of the people around me are person number two. They have a go at me and tell me that I need to stop dreaming of such silly fantasies and stick to doing something that will benefit me later in life.

I don’t know how many of you milklets are film fans but I’m sure you can all recall a particular narrative, there is a son and his father. His father is a doctor and wants his son to follow his footsteps because that is the way to make a good living and earn good money, but the boy doesn’t want this. The boy wants to be a dancer, an actor, a musician… Something creative. This is the worst thing his father ever could have hoped for and he completely disowns the child for wanting to follow the dream or constantly verbally trashes the idea of it until the son comes around and decides to go to medical school after all. This is what people number two are like.

They only want the best for you and in their mind they are right, they think that by staying in a job that pays well and will benefit you financially you are doing something good, but I can tell you now my darlings, no amount of money nor power is going to make you happy unless you are doing the thing that you love! I could be sat on a private island with a private jet and thousands upon millions of pounds and unless I could write and dream and be with a man I loved… Life wouldn’t be worth living. I’d rather the sharks come and eat me there and then!

The name of this post today is “Regrets”. My purpose for this was so that I could express to you all that I cannot urge enough how much you must live your life unapologetically and beautifully without any regrets whatsoever! My job pays awfully well compared to some other people’s, but I can asure you that if a famous writer came knocking at my door tomorrow and offered me a free apprenticeship with them to become an author, I’d be gone in a heartbeat. Because that is the life that I want, money or no money.

People number two in this world will always try to bring you down. They will tell you that the path you are on is the wrong one and that every move you make is damaging to the social, economic and political order of things and that annoys them because they want everything to be done in the “proper” way. Well my darlings, I would raise two fingers to that way of thinking! The “proper” way of doing things in my world is to have fun and aim for the stars and when you hit those keep looking past space and time into infinity until you can look no more… Because when you’ve done that, you have conquered more than what you could have ever imagined.

Only then have you achieved true happiness.

This is what I want to do with my life, achieve true happiness. I am person number one, even if I am eighty years old and waiting on a new hip, I will still be sat there in front of my age-ridden type writer creakily pushing out some novel or poem or story that just might hit the big leagues. If you are person number two in this world then I feel sorry for you, because the second you become Alice’s sister in the Alice In Wonderland story then you forget who you truly are. Who you truly are meant to be. I don’t know if you believe in a God, a spirit, the universe, or nothing at all, but know that my belief is that we all have a purpose, a meaning, and a mission that we have to complete.

I will complete my mission, but will you live the dream like me and stop regretting the past but embrace it? Embrace that everything that has happened to you has happened because the universe is constructing a fuller you, a stronger you.

Just think about that.

With love,

Emma xxxx

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