Observations From a Librarian…

As exam season takes off I found my self plonked in a library chair staring at the aggravatingly noisy teens that sat in front of me staring like zombies at iPhones and munching on chocolate raisins planning their ‘wavey’ weekend ahead. Surrounded by such character you cannot help but observe the types of teenagers laid in front of you, for my own amusement I want to share with you what I saw…

  • “The Single One” – Guilty of this being myself also, I find this person to be one of my favourites. You see them eagerly waiting with bated breath for Prince Charming to storm through the door. They have straight backs and their hands on their lap all done up and ready to go and they just wait, all day, eyes fixed on the entrance. Every guy that walks in is a possibility, you see them do a full body overview then a mental rating, their face becomes thoughtful and you can tell they’re planning what their kids would be like and where they would live… This person often assumes they are alone forever but is still the one everyone goes to for relationship advice, bless their little lonely cotton socks…
  • “The Fuckboy” – We’ve all been their ladies! This is that mug that you can see has two phones just so he can talk to Theresa and Charlene at the same time without either of them realising and still go home in time for tea. Unfortunately this guy isn’t for the long-term as he gets whiny and whinges when things don’t go his way and will blame it all on the girl because she’s too frigid to be his girlfriend anyway…
  • “The Clown” – Sitting in the library you can see them pulling out chairs from beneath their mates bums and geekily shouting “wet willy!!” as they shove their wet sausage fingers into some poor soul’s ear. These are the people who graduate school but not necessarily with grades, just the ability to hang a spoon from their nose and neck a bottle of extra hot chilli sauce.
  • “The Bottle Blond” – Often a chav who sits in the corner chewing on gum and saying incomprehensible gibberish about her boyfriend called something like ‘Tyrone’ and blasting out Giggs from her beat up iPhone that she probably found in a dumpster. A bottle blond is one who has died blond hair from a bottle however her black roots are pushing their way through creating a look which is no less than unflattering…
  • “The Mummy” – This is the most apt person you could find a in the library. This is the pristine girl with the perfect hair who is revising like there is no tomorrow and seems to have everything under control because “mummy said if I did well in my GCSEs then I am allowed a pony” and “mummy said if I pass my A Levels and get into Oxford then I can have a Lamborghini”. These people are painful as they speak like they were born with a silver spoon up their arses and you just cannot escape that jaunty flair they have about them…

Just a few of the teens that I have observed at the library today I hope many of you milklets are able to associate with… Or not in the case of some of them… Either way, they’re all rather comedic to behold.

With love,

Emma xxxx


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