Soooo this weekend is the Brownstock Festival which everyone in Essex raves over because it’s cheap as hell and is a chance to get absolutely smashed for the weekend and not remember a thing afterwards! Now, as well and good as this is and most typical for us Brits, it is no fun if you are under 18 because no alcohol, and no ‘adult’ wristbands.
As a person under the age of 18 it is my duty to hereby help you poor unfortunate souls like me to push through festivals like Coachella, Brownstock, V, and more, and no how to smuggle in that alcohol without any nosey bag checkers finding out.
Over the years us poor cheeky buggers keep getting caught out! So, follow some of my ideas below and you’ll be sure to smuggle your drinks in, unnoticed!
- Pringles – Take a small Pringle can and empty it (we all know that won’t take long!) and insert three small bottles of drink, this could be a mini Smirnoff or a Malibu. These should fit snugly inside. Remember to hold onto the Pringle peel-off lids and replace these on the top after inserting your bottles. This way it looks like the cans are unopened and should not be checked. Also, if you can fit three in one small can, you’ll probably manage six in a tall one! Similarly, you can use this trick and put in a can of beer, some cider or even wine if you’re careful enough!
- Bread – Bread is going to be your best friend at festivals not only for soaking up that terrible hangover but also for hiding your drinks! Either, take a loaf of bread and hollow the whole thing out, or take a pack of six mini brioche or regular rolls and cut holes in the centre. If you’re using the loaf, push a whole bottle of drink such as wine or vodka into the centre and replace the end of the loaf and tie up the bread bag. Make sure it looks convincing or the bag checkers will notice! If you’re using the mini rolls, insert the small bottles of drink into each roll and once again tie up the bag.
- Boots – Now, this is mainly going to be a trick for girls as well all know that when it gets to festival season, we all are unpractical and stupid people who love to dress for fashion! So, providing many of us are wearing tall brown suede boots with tassles we can wear the boots on entry to the festival and stuff them with small bottles of drink. The tassles should cover the lumps of the alcohol so you cans stroll in, unnoticed!
- Mouth Wash – Undoubtedly we will get disgustingly dirty at all of these festivals that we go to. However, it is likely that we will even bother to clean regardless! So, if we’re not going to bother then we may as well make use of those left over cleaning items we have! Providing you use mouth wash regularly, take the bottle and empty it. Pour into the bottle some vodka or gin or whatever it is you want and then take some food dye and dye it! No one will ever know! Just make sure you’re careful that if it is a mouth wash with a screw cap, that you hide that you’ve broken the connecting seal, because they will check that out of suspicion!
- Hair – Now, boys, unless you have long hair you’re not gonna be able to get in on this one! However, ladies, this is still a very risky one anyways! Take your hair and tease it all over so it’s bushy and ugly (just how we like it!) and tie it into pony tails. After doing this get small bottles of alcohol and push the tops into the centre of your hair pinched into the hairband. Then wrap your pony tail hair around the bottle and tie another tie beneath the bottom of the bottle. Horrible hair style, clever hiding place…
- Fruit and Veg – This one is a little odd, granted, however, it’s basically a 2 in 1 bargain so don’t complain! Get a syringe and any alcohol type you like, personally I believe this trick works best with vodka so for my example we’re going to go with that. Got it? Good. Get a syringe without a needle and insert it into your bottle of vodka, suction up the liquid into your syringe and push it into your fruit or veg. Watermelons are a good example. This way when you get the munchies, you also get even more drunk! If you’re using a pepper, tequila is also a good drink option as it boosts the flavour and adds a sharp kick if you’re the daring type!
- Water Bottle – Now, this is a proper classic and because of this reason, I probably wouldn’t recommend it because it has been done a thousand times before and millions have been caught out doing it. However, I may as well fill you in on it anyhow. So, take a regular water bottle and empty it. Make sure you don’t use the type where you have obviously broken some kind of seal as this makes everything obvious! Fill the water bottle with vodka and BAM! It looks just like water. However, if they open it and smell it, you’re up shit creak without a paddle.
- Body Spray – This one is a long shot since it might make your alcohol taste a little funky, but, it’s worth a try! Get a body spray from somewhere like boots, the ones that come in the small plastic bottles and pump on the top not the aerosol cans. Unscrew the pump from the top and empty the liquid from inside (or use it up) and thoroughly wash these out like ten times to make sure they are clean! Then, fill the bottles with whatever alcohol you fancy! You can choose nearly anything for these and have fun with it since perfumes and sprays come in an array of colours and flavours! When filled, return the pump and screw it back on. Hoepfully, the guards will barely bat an eyelid at these!
- Gummy Sweets – We’ve all had the rather unimpressive alcohol soaked gummy sweets at parties and they have never been much good! However, if you’re down on your luck and this is your last resort, then I recommend giving it a try. Get a regular back of gummy sweets, these could be any make, I’d probably take some Haribo gummy bears. Undo the bag and put the sweets in a bowl, pour some vodka or tequila or whatever you fancy over these and leave them over night until the drink is all soaked up into the sweets. Then, put these sweets into a clear container and these should not be checked. If the container is opened the smell of alcohol will be obvious so you could consider adding some fruit juice to the mix too. If you succeed in this you’ll be the most successful sweet distributer in the whole festival!
I cannot guarantee that you will not get caught doing any of these things and if your drinks get confiscated then don’t go blaming me! But, I could be getting you out of spending more that £50 on overpriced drinks on your weekend so good luck gang and be sure to comment letting me know how things go!
Hope to see some of you around at the festival!