The Milk Men
Posted on July 30, 2016
So lads and ladies, today I thought I’d make a light-hearted, semi-offensive post about you blokes! So, last night I went out with some very good friends of mine for one of my oldest but goldest Rhiannon Wilson’s 18th birthday! I had a blast but could not help noticing how many different types of lads you will see on a night out. Hereby, I want to share with you all the Ten Types of Guys You Will See on Any Night Out!
Ten Types of Guys You Will See on Any Night Out
- The REALLY drunk guy – This guy cannot hold his drink! He is falling all over the place, hitting on girls that didn’t even know he existed and he is 100% sure that they are ALL into him! Not only does he do this but he thinks he knows all the words to all the tunes playing and he thinks he can dance like Jason Derulo. Now, as funny as this guy is to watch, he can be pretty cute when he is telling all the girls why they are all perfect in their own individual way… Even if it is only just to get in their pants.
- The Drink Giver – This bloke is acting barman all night ladies and gents! You want a cosmo? He’s on it. You want a fishbowl? He’s got the ingredients. This guy just wants everyone to be drunk as soon as possible and knows all the quickest (and most stupid) ways to do it! A good friend to keep if you want some free alcohol ladies!
- The Twat Tank – This kid is drinking everything and anything and for some reason he has been blessed with a bottomless stomach which means he can keep going and going… This is also the lad that ends up doubled over a bucket at the end of the night but he will go down in history for doing it! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
- The Music Maestro – The top don of any party! This is the lad who knows all the hit songs that are gonna get people on the dancefloor and partying all night! Spotify Premium is this guy’s best friend and does he sure know how to use it! Requests? On it. Throwbacks? R Kelly is there. You wanna stay on this one’s good side, I promise you!
- Billy No-Mates – This is the anti-social lad that is literally sat on his phone all night and even if a girl thinks he is cute and she tries to flirt with him a little, playing Pokémon GO! is still 10x more exciting. God knows why he really bothers turning up on the night out, but there he is if you want a mindless lad who isn’t paying attention to offload your wine-induced life issues onto…
- DEAD – We worry about this one! We are all pretty sure he is dead as he is laid there on the sofa unable to even respond to us, however, because we are such good friends, we leave him there and hope for the best while drawing aspects of the male anatomy on his forehead and taking embarrassing photos which we hope he will still be alive to witness in the morning!
- The Turn-Off Toucher – This guy is after any tail he can grab. You’re grinding with your girls on the dancefloor? You will feel his hand on your bum as he stands behind you. You go off for some alone time outside? He will jump at the chance to get with you. He also doesn’t even blink while spitting some romantic trash about how he thinks he could be such a good boyfriend if someone would only give him a chance… *HINT* *HINT* Watch out for this one ladies!
- Girlfriend Guy… – You do not mess with this lad. He has his girlfriend with him and if you even look at him the wrong way or even his girlfriend in the right way then you will die. His chest will be puffed out quicker than you can even say “nah bruv like…” and you’ll both be kicked out. Best to stick to the eye candy you know you’re allowed to check out eh lads?
- The Girl Grabber – This guy is pulling like there is no tomorrow! God knows how he does it but every time you look at him spread out on the sofa you notice there are about three girls chilling with him! One stroking his hair, the other cuddling his chest, the other feeling his arms or checking out his tattoos… What does this guy do so right?
- The Druggie – You can guarantee that somewhere on this night out there is the drug dealer/druggie. He is providing kush, pills, anything that you could possibly want all night… He tends to disappear off with some of the other lads to the toilets occasionally for long periods of time… Go to him if you want an extra special night if you know what I mean…
I hope you all resignated with types of lads I pointed out and I would love it if you could let me know about the sorts of guys that you always see on a night out or if you know of any that I’ve missed! I hope any of you on the lash tonight have a good time!
P.S. If any of you guys were offended by this, you have my deepest apologies, but there will be a Ten Types of Girls on Every Night Out very soon too!